WILL WRITE FOR FOOD

Late this afternoon while working on a trailer I started giving thought to an updated resume. This in turn led to thoughts of my first attempt to land a job through use of a resume instead of just showing up with my tools or gear, and asking when I could start work.
Then I thought of the years that have zipped by, the things learned along the way, and what course to chart now that I am looking sixty square in the eye. If I were to write a resume, what would I include? Who would I submit it to?
Judging by the popularity of books written, and the growing number of requests to talk with tour groups or at events, there is a strong indication that there is a latent talent for telling folks where to go. I wonder what the market is for someone with such a skill set?
I can follow rules and don’t really have an issue with authority. Still, most of my adult life has been spent in various pursuits where I was told where the fence lines were and then was allowed to get things done in my own way.
Now how do I put that on a resume? How do I find a professional way of saying that if you hire me, the job will get done but perhaps not in a manner that the employer wants to watch? 
I can work with the public, and even do it with a smile (on most days) even if the customer is a proctologists dream. In regard to certain office based computer programs my skills may be lacking but I understand the basics, can fix most anything if time allows, and can move almost anything with wheels from an 18-wheeler to a T-model Ford.
If all else fails, I suppose I could get me a sign, find a nice shady place on old Route 66, and hang out with a sign that reads, “Will write for food.” 
So, who is need of someone who can tell folks where to go in such a way that they look forward to the trip? Who is in need of someone that is insatiably curious, that enjoys developing outside of the box solutions, that derives tremendous satisfaction from meeting with folks from every corner of the globe, and that isn’t adverse to a bit of travel or long hours?
Oh, I don’t do windows.